LoveLove, Kiss Kiss-
by typicalRAinbow
Summary: ...Blah Blah Blah. Constance is not keen on nonsense like romance and secret admirers, even on Feb 14th. (An Anti-Valentines Day fic. Originally a song fic edits and new updates in progress.)
1. Chapter 1

EDIT: Pulled this out of the achieves and given it a spit and polish i.e. splitting the story up for easy editing working on ending it. I've given myself a dead line of two weeks so fingers crossed. Song lyrics removed I'm afraid But it is still Heavily based on LOVE LOVE KISS KISS by ALKALINE TRIO. (also the acrostic versions are perfect for today!)

Thank you to those who reviewed it originally and hope you like the new content just as much.

Happy Valentines day (if you're celebrating) and enjoy!

x x x

"It's a nonsensical idea." Miss Hardbroom complained. Again. For third time. But no matter how many times she said it Constance couldn't get Davina to back down. Or Miss Drill to shut up about her bloody boyfriend or Miss Cackle to see how a plan it was stupid it was. The chanting teacher was still determined to hold an unsuitable romantic Valentines Day ball. With her colleges backing the decision. Well two of them…

Up in her studio and in deep contemplation, Lynne was again working. Inspired by her muse she'd modelled it from memory and was using the morning light to highlight the bold colours paints. A three block colour scheme perfectly complimented the red flowers on that dress, she decided.

She'd finally finished yet another portrait. It would look out of place amongst her usual collection, but it wasn't for sale. Just in time too she thought as she wrote signed it in thin black paint;

To Miss Hardbroom, Happy Valentines Day Love,

and then her trademark three little Ls. and then three soppy little Xs; would it be a bit obvious? As Lynne put the finishing touches to it, the post arrived; amongst the bills, an invitation…

"Well we're still waiting on the RSVPs but so far, Miss Lamplighter, Mr Hallow, the wizards," Davina smiled.

"Why not invite just Agatha, Bindweed and Coldstone while you're at it-"

"Constance." Amelia warned. HB had no choice but to sit and sulk, while Davina carried on her long list of people Constance didn't want to see. Espesilly on the most romantic and commercial day of the year.

"There are the Camelot boys and an equal amount of them so all our girls will have partners, how wonderful. Crotchet said she might come, although no way is she picking the music-" Davina continued.

"Neither are you, I hope-"

"Constance!"

"Of course I would be but" Davina bristled. "I'll be to busy looking after our guests-"

"Well that's a relief." Constance said, her words practically deep fried in let alone dripping sarcasm. She was irrupted by a hiss of static glared at the nonwitch who was now fiddling with her portable radio. "Miss Drill could you turn that blasted thing back down to a more civilised level! I can't hear myself think."

"Oh I think you'd better listen, Miss Hardbroom." Imogen smirked.

"Why should I?"

"Because guess who said he'd HAPPILY come and do the music set for the night...?"

Constance paled.

Inside his studio Icy twirled the pink invite in his fingers. Was that really the best that he could get? On Valentines Day?! At this point in his career He should be doing celebrity bashes not still DJing children's parties! Still...a wonderful thought came to him as the on air light flashed and with smirk he pulled back on his head phones.

I dedicate it to the fact that it's so hard for you to dream,

"Welcome back wizards and you gorgeous witches. You're listening to the loooove hour on Sorcery FM which we'll be running all this week on this show with me Icy Icy Stevens so tune in. And that one song was for my very own lonely 'Hotsuff', who I hope dear listeners I'll being seeing very very soo-."

His show was cut off as the radio flew across the room bouncing off the wall in a shower of sparks.


	2. Chapter 2

"Of all the people to invite-" Constance hissed, looking too scary for anyone to remember the blasted radio. "You chose him! That -sleaze?!"

"HE likes you, that's all. It's not a crime" Miss Drill snapped back.

Doesn't help you're freezing in your bed your blankets aren't enough

"He'll only be here one night, -"

"He's staying over!?"

"It's called being polite Miss Hardbroom. What's your problem?"

"My problem is you and interfering little plans-"

"We could put him closer to your room if you like-" Davina giggled.

All you want is some one there; all you say is so-

"No!" Davina shot into her cupboard squealing under the death glare. "I do not appreciate you two suggesting I should have a one nightstand with the DJ for your dammed party."

Love, Love, Kiss, Kiss,

"Most people would find it flattering to have a famous DJ admiring you." Imogen sneered.

"I am not flattered, it's nauseating."

"Does he really mean nothing to you? He sent you roses last year remember?"

"I do. They came in useful for the first years to test their potions on."

"For goodness sake- do you just like living alone with your cat or something?"

"Well, yes."

"And what about that that that trip to France-?"

"If you're so keen on the wonderful idea why don't you go with him?"

"I don't need to. I've already been to the Alps with-" Imogen started smugly.

"Surge yes we all know," Constance cut in rolling her eyes. "You have a long distance relationship with your on-off boyfriend. We've got the point already."

"Ladies please!" Amelia argued. "This is getting too personal."

"Less personal then her non-witch jibes? At least I've a chance at romance." Imogen spat. "Maybe if you stopped acting all high and mighty and got to know Mr Stevens a little more-"

"A little more what? Or I once again going to have to listen to how a bunk up with that overgrown boy scout, is now corner stone for you to build your own desperate fairytale on."

"How dare you!"

"If you're so in love with your 'beau' why do you keep hounding me-?!"

"Hounding?" Amelia asked, but was ignored.

"I- I- because I-!"

"You leave Imogen alone." Davina squeaked though the cupboard door, "You're just jealous!"

"Of what? I don't WANT an oh so wonderful romance that only comes to light every holiday. What I want is for the 14th to come and go again with out interference from you two and minimum disruptions to lessons. The girls have better things to learn about then romantic entanglements."

And with that, she vanished.

"Well I warned you." Amelia sighed. "Constance isn't really a Valentines sort of person."


	3. Chapter 3

The assembly announcing the event was shambolic to say the least. Despite what Constance had asked for, the students' timetables were still ignored. In favour of decorating and preparations no less. Most girls seemed to start gossiping before they even filled out of the hall. And still were at breakfast the next day.

"They said we're going to have a mystery guest. A famous one-" Jadu pondered. "I wonder who?"

"Oh I hope it's someone dreamy." Ruby sighed. "How awesome would it be if it was someone like WanDirection?"

"Like Cackle could ever afford them."

"I hope it's the Spell girls." Sybil piped up.

"You would-" her sister sneered.

"Ethel, leave her alone." Mildred snapped. "You've been horrid to her all week just because smelly Gaz asked her to the ball rather then you. She's your sister for goodness sake."

"Well said Millie," Fenella smirked as Ethel turned back to her porridge muttering. "But what's this I hear you receiving a whole bundle of invites?"

"Who told you?" Mildred gasped. She'd hid them under her gym kit in her locker.

"A little birdie." Fenella grinned. "Also, Griz was the one handing out the post this morning."

"Broken broomsticks." Mildred mumbled. She turned and found all four of her friends gawping at her. "Oh don't look at me like! I'm already going with Charlie. He asked me yesterday."

"Aww that's so sweet." Jadu smiled. Behind her back Drusilla made a wrenching noise. Although she might have just been choking on her orange juice.

"We're just going as friends." Mildred sighed. Maud tried not to make a face.

"Did you not fancy going loopy lugs with then?" Enid whispered to her.

"He didn't ask," Maud muttered concentrating on her apple juice glad the others hadn't noticed.

"Well, it's a waste of time of any way. Sappy commercial boring nonsense." Enid srugged trying to make her friend feel better.

"Says the girl who got four cards!" Maud cried louder then she meant too. Face aflame she ran off pushing past a guilty looking Enid and a very confused Mildred.

"Maud! What's wrong?" Mildred took after friend but tripped, either on her laces or bitter Ethel's out stuck foot. Mildred crashed into Maud, sending the M&Ms crashing into non other then a now very angry HB.

"Will you girls control your selves!?" she snapped and dealt out suitable punishments.

She was tempted to ban them from the ball but Amelia had already prohibited her from doing so.

"This behaviour is uncalled for and unseemly! Send and receive cards if you must but you are all sitting exams soon and I advise you use your time wisely." Miss Hardbroom said, addressing the hoard of girls still hanging around the tables, taking in the sea of bitter, jealous, indifferent and starry gooey eyes on her. She had to force her self to ignore the confetti like scattering of cards across tables.

"Valentines is just another day. Sybil, Griselda, Fenella join your own classes. The rest of you you're late for your potions class. Get a move on." She snapped. The girls scrambled to get their bags and her form followed her leading to her potions lab.

Then stopped dead on opening the door. Her sacred space had turned in to cupids den of hearts flowers sappy messages and …good god, was that- glitter!?

"MISS BAT!"


	4. Chapter 4

On the surface it had been a wonderful romantic evening.

The girls put what bits of their hearts that could be spared into sparkly jeans and party dresses. The boys scrubbed up good enough with smart shirts and well combed or gelled hair.

Cackle's somewhat shabby hall had been transformed into a much larger glittering ball room; with magical orbs sent soft light between the balloons and streamers on the ceiling, the djs speaker system set up on the stage with fancy disco lights while a triple row of small round tables surrounding the dance floor, with one long table of pink party food and fizzy drinks at one side that would have put the village pub's pie and pea supper to shame.

Oh yes, it was a grand display on the surface. But cynics and realists look beyond swirl of dresses and young laughter. Constance had to, duty bound to, because she knew things are never as pretty as you paint them to be and it was days like this she actually thanked Mistress Broomhead for believing these sort of events where a waste of her pupils time. These things never lived up to the hype anyway.

Davina had been so busy with plans of coarse that common sense and perspective had gone out the window. Yes there where indeed an ideal girl witch to boy wizard ration but not everyone in the world had a perfect partner on Valentines day. Romance never divided out fairly, did it now?

Constance wasn't bitter about this fact of life on her own part. It was those poor girls she felt sorry for. Those who'd expected wished or hoped for, not perhaps a prince charming, but simply just a lovely time. Now the wallflowers, the dumpy, spotty, the shy girls, the badly dressed, the awkward ones and the rest of those not deemed pretty enough to be picked all, sat alone at tables along the sides of the room picking at the party food and pretending they didn't want to dance...

Their lack of movement didn't seem to bother Davina, who never stopped dancing anyway and the only adults on the floor where Frank and Ms Tapioca, and Miss Cackle once Greengage had summoned up the courage to ask her for a waltz to a pop song that shouldn't be waltzed too. Almost every adult kept asking Constance for a dance of course, no matter how much space she put between herself and the dance floor, which didn't improve her mood.

What also annoyed her, aside from the choice of music, that Mr Hallow. He asked for a dance she'd said no so instead he kept trying to talk to her about technology, expecting her to impressed how palffic in techno twaddle he was. He was a married man for goodness sake, shouldn't have a wife to pester this time of year? Thankfully Rowan-Webb interrupted in his over friendly manner and started asking questions about something computerish, giving Constance a chance of escape and excused herself yet again from their company.

She found seat on an empty table in a quiet corner and took a moment to have to herself and a sip from the same glass of she'd had been nursing since the start of the night. Grape juice, the nearest thing they could have to red wine with underage students in the vicinity but it wasn't bad, it wasn't fizzy and meant she could keep a clear head.

The realisation she chosen the entirely wrong place to sit however, nearly made her spill over the purple drink over the white-with-pink-hearts table cloth.


	5. Chapter 5

.On one side of her, a few tables down Chief Wizard Hellebore was sat amongst his students, ( a few other boys who where more interested in the food then the dancing,) and having spotted her was now trying to get her attention once again. He was beckoning her over, calling her dear lady when she had perfectly good surname and title. Constance ignored him hoping he was calling to someone else or failing that, he wouldn't come over and bother her. As if she'd want to sit by him. And shouldn't he be looking after his students? Just look at the mess their little frisky disco had caused in the Camelot basement. You couldn't leave young wizards alone for moment. Especially with young ladies present.

Or in this case two chatty non-witch women, unaware they where being gawped at by the some adolescent wizards. This might have been not because the young artist had to forgotten to wipe some paint splatters from her neck but forgone 'something else' once again.

Constance found the pair, (that is Imogen and Lynne not..never mind-) stood by the long table gossiping together now while watched by the boys, like sirens with their sweet voices to hapless sailors. Actually more like harpies, she scowled as they dissolved into cackles that Agatha would have been proud of.

Surge the lucky fool had some how found a reason to miss tonight. If he was actually supposed to be coming in the first place. So between the odd dance here and there, Miss Drill had spent most of her time chatting to Lynne. She seemed to be expecting Constance to take on something of a jealous complexion and doing that irritating thing where she thought would get attention by giving Constance an overexaduratedly cold well toned shoulder. Which must have been very tiring as Lynne was shadowing the witch with out actually approaching her.

Both practices Constance could never be bothered dealing with and simply gave the pair a good ignoring too. What was she supposed to say to both of them anyway? They would be bad for polite company, just as bad as Hellebore. Besides it'd be quite a squeeze around the table, far to cosy for Constance's liking.

However, in scanning the room for a better place, HB realised she'd accidently placed herself straight ahead was the dammed DJ. If Constance had felt somewhat stuck in the middle before she now felt boxed in when she caught his eye. She'd been utterly humiliated when he'd last shown up and all the girls laughing at her behind her back as she saved his show listened to his speel only to find he'd had ulterior motives to just co-hosting another educational radio show.

The poor decision on her collages part to invite Icy slimey Stevens to this circus was just cherry on the far to sugary icing of the heart-shaped, Valentines cake that Davina had created. How was one supposed to stomach such a taste? It was beary fit for human consumption.


	6. Chapter 6

It felt as if this moment had been rehearsed. And probably perfected in his mirror every day. As he flicked some switches Icy looked back up, swept his hair back as he removed his head phones and air kissed in her direction. Constance felt her cheeks burn. Far too many people saw that surley. She could feel their attention roving over her phsyche and anatomy once again,She needn't turn her head to know the wizard would have now puffed him self up and double his attempts trying to catch her attension or to know of the non witches and heard nurirous students who'd witnessed it with giggles, ooh and awws.

But It wasn't just Icy's eyes she could feel on her, or Helibores or Lamplighter's. Her own eyes had followed her live form around the room and now stared besot tingly at her. Constance shuddered. Although it wasn't really her. It couldn't be. It was just someone who looked like Constance, a lot like her but it could, would never be. This carbon copy had a dreamy face or a fairy queen with stars in her eyes. Constance knew she defiantly wasn't as pretty as the artist had painted her.

Not that she was slandering the artist skill of coarse but had she'd known the parcel she received that morning would have contained, not the books she'd expected from Hags and Horrocks, but Passionate red and dark cords on porslin skin captured on a wrapped canvas, she would have never opened it in the staff room.

At least it hadn't been a imagined nude or sordid pin-up, she sighed. but how embarrassing to have opened it and in her shocked silence, colleges crowding round it, oohing and teasing her when she didn't recognise the face looking back at her. Was that how people viewed her?

Good grief, what was the world coming too?

At least cards could be burnt, flowers recycled and chocolates left on the side for someone to help them selves. Or the other way round when Miss Bat was concerned. but what was she supposed to do with a portrait of her self she'd had no idea existed till this morning?

What she wouldn't have done would be to hang it on the wall just as the hall was been filled and the lights turned down. she didn't have to, as Mr Blossom had some how, possibly "Casu consulto" on someone's command, gotten it out of it's hiding place and up on the wall, just as the party goers arrived.

And Constance hadn't the heart to tell this not so mysterious LL-L that the picture would, if it stayed there, probably be used pupils for food fight target practice in days to come.


	7. Chapter 7

"The DJ seems quite fond of her." She heard the said-artist remark.

"Icy? Oh he is. Believe me, he's totally _besotted _with every ones favourite witch." Imogen replied.

"Well you lucky lucky loved laddies and ladies," Icy suddenly cooed loudly into his microphone, playing yet another smooch song coercing the teens into an awkward slow dance. "It's time we smoothed things down again so take your Valentine and show them how much you love them-!"

"You're not helping the situation, Mr Stevens." Constance muttered as she watched as yet another heartbroken girl slip out the hall and would now hide somewhere with a bar of chocolate possibly in tears at the sight of her crush's arms around a schoolmate. Poor things, they'd yet to realise that by the time they'd reach adulthood, their broken adolescent hearts would be repaired so often something as silly as this would barely leave a scratch on the glue.

But still, damn Mr Stevens and his taste in bad music.

"He is quite handsome in a way I suppose ." Miss Lamplighter remarked. the pair were less twelve feet away yet speaking as if they on the other side of the globe. "Are they actually-?"

"He'd be a lucky man if he was, Lynne." the PE teacher sniggered. "Lavina told me according to Witch Weekly, he has a picture her on his ar- Oh! Miss Hardbroom!"

On hearing this rumour reticulating HB's legendry temper had flared. feeling she could no longer ignore them she turned in her seat and gave them the blackest look that anyone could give such ladies, pinning the pair of them to the wall as if yanked by medieval shackles. Constance's magic held them there for moment and let them go again wearily and bored, leaving the shock serve as warning.

Imogen made to argue over her spilt cherry-ade then realising what they'd been caught with gossiping about, she shut her mouth angirly and became interested in her trainers and shrank away with Lynne who'd at least had an apologetic look on her face. The non-witches turned back to the party, and Constance had gotten up and stalking off, none of them realising In the moment they all had their backs turned, Enid had slipped something in the punch they were supposed to be keeping an eye on.


End file.
